I start school next week. Introduction to Physical Anthropology. Art for Children. Observing and Recording Behavior. and Computer Keyboarding. Im also trying to add Health, Safety and Nutrition for Young Children. After these I only need two more Child Dev. classes to finish my AA in Chld Dev.
Im incredibly tired right now... im literally fighting to keep my eyes open so i guess i wont be catching up on my blogging....
sigh...
ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... ttyl.... hopefully.
Lizzie
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Breath Liz... Breath....
I find myself with a little time to write :) Today was my last final and I can honestly say I am rather relieved of having one less thing to worry about at the moment: School. I had started out with 14 units this semesters and ended up with 5. I am partially glad I decided to drop more then half my course work because I definitely was not focused on work this semester and cant imagine how on earth I would of passed any of those harder classes. Even now I am unsure of my grades in the remaining four classes, I might have to retake one or two.
This past couple of months it has felt as though my mind has been constantly preoccupied. When Im at work Im thinking of school and home issues, when Im at school Im worrying about work and home issues.. etc. etc. I think my mind has reached its full capacity in thoughts and has spilled over into my here and now so I have been unable to be in the Here and Now.
I recently talked to my teacher about possibly taking her courses again and the difficulty I've had staying focused in her class. Needless to say when ever I open up a little about my personal problems I began to cry. I wasnt completely surprised. If i think about it lately Ive kept so much in , i was bound to explode sooner or later. (that was only one out pouring of emotion Ive had this week)
I went to see a therapist today. I know Ive been putting it off for over a year now but seeing as I've been incredible emotional lately I figured I should do something about it. Especially since I will be starting the summer program soon. I asked for a leave of absence from work to take care of all these issues, which was not my original plan but one that I felt had to be made.
What I had wanted to do was work at Target in the mornings and the summer program in the afternoons but I was told I couldnt limit my schedule that much. I thought Greeeat something else to worry about. So I went to talk to our HR rep to try to figure something out. Sigh. I started crying in the middle of our talk. I didnt tell her this but I felt as though I was being put between a rock and a hard place, either I quit so I can do this summer job (which only last 3 months) and loose my only means of support or not be able to show up to some days im scheduled to work and eventually get fired and STILL loose my only means of support.
By the end of the meeting I was told that it was up to me to decide what i wanted to do: They told me that they would work with my schedule and if I decided to ask for the leave that theyd support that too. Siiigh.... If they had just approved my availability in the first place I wouldnt have had this minor break down. . . but I guess I should be glad because I think this is my bodies way of telling me somethings wrong and I need to fix it.
Im not sure if its an emotional problem or medical problem or even a combination of both but hopefully with the help of my therapist and doctor I can figure out whats going on...
It might just take some time...
This past couple of months it has felt as though my mind has been constantly preoccupied. When Im at work Im thinking of school and home issues, when Im at school Im worrying about work and home issues.. etc. etc. I think my mind has reached its full capacity in thoughts and has spilled over into my here and now so I have been unable to be in the Here and Now.
I recently talked to my teacher about possibly taking her courses again and the difficulty I've had staying focused in her class. Needless to say when ever I open up a little about my personal problems I began to cry. I wasnt completely surprised. If i think about it lately Ive kept so much in , i was bound to explode sooner or later. (that was only one out pouring of emotion Ive had this week)
I went to see a therapist today. I know Ive been putting it off for over a year now but seeing as I've been incredible emotional lately I figured I should do something about it. Especially since I will be starting the summer program soon. I asked for a leave of absence from work to take care of all these issues, which was not my original plan but one that I felt had to be made.
What I had wanted to do was work at Target in the mornings and the summer program in the afternoons but I was told I couldnt limit my schedule that much. I thought Greeeat something else to worry about. So I went to talk to our HR rep to try to figure something out. Sigh. I started crying in the middle of our talk. I didnt tell her this but I felt as though I was being put between a rock and a hard place, either I quit so I can do this summer job (which only last 3 months) and loose my only means of support or not be able to show up to some days im scheduled to work and eventually get fired and STILL loose my only means of support.
By the end of the meeting I was told that it was up to me to decide what i wanted to do: They told me that they would work with my schedule and if I decided to ask for the leave that theyd support that too. Siiigh.... If they had just approved my availability in the first place I wouldnt have had this minor break down. . . but I guess I should be glad because I think this is my bodies way of telling me somethings wrong and I need to fix it.
Im not sure if its an emotional problem or medical problem or even a combination of both but hopefully with the help of my therapist and doctor I can figure out whats going on...
It might just take some time...
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
So Much Catching up to do!!!
Saying I am just a little behind on EVERYTHING is an understatement. There is sooo much to do... and soooo much to worry about. I have asked for a week off from work in the hopes that I can get caught up in all my work.
Lately I've been busy being mad at Charlie... for a number of reasons.
Ultimately I think I have only me to blame. I am not as aggresive with him as I should have been on what needs to be done and as Ive mentioned before his lack of motivation somehow rubs off on me... but I shouldnt blame that on him. If I really pushed myself I would get up and go. . . and I've found that when I find the motivation to get myself in gear, he does too. I just wish he had that on his own.
Im not sure why I am dragging my feet in school... in a way I think that if I dont get things done then they WONT get done... not MY things... OUR things... so my stuff gets pushed to the back burner.
He talked about resentment recently and perhaps that is why I am being uncharacteristicly "mean".
I resent the fact that he has all this "free" time to get things done yet chooses not to. I resent the fact that not only do I have to go to work and school but I have to play "housewife". I am angry that he lets the government screw him over and in turn screw US over.
There has been alot of anger and angry feelings going around as well as sadness...
and for the most part I think I know where its coming from but.... but... theres just so many uncharted feeling I know are lying deep under my skin that I havent quite uncovered.
Charlie agreed to counceling.... but only If I find one that we can go to. :/ siiiigh... I have enough to do on my plate!... Just another thing to feel resentful about... and to to the therapist about. lol
These last few months have been hard... we've both experienced health issues. We have both paid visits to the emergency room.
He says my issues are within my control though, unlike his. Pfft! As if I could have forseen the major bloodloss I experienced... yes, I am and have been anemic for quite some time but I (as well as my doctor) are not completely sure why my body has been going haywire. I am on iron pills as well as BC to regulate my bodies hormones and junk but the doc said it would take a few months to see. See what? If pills fix the problem!? If theres another underlining issue!? If the cyst on my right ovary shrinks?! sigh!
Things arent all bad. It good to know that people care. That they want to help. I am very grateful for the people in my life and I may not be the best person at showing it but I can at least say Im trying... Im learning.... I just need to remember to take it one day at a time.
On a good note. I forgot how much better I feel after having a "Dance session" alone in the bathroom. It would always cheer me up after having a bout of the blues. Im glad i had one today. :D Im also noticing that Im getting some color back to my face, I no longer look super pasty.
Plus it's good to know Charlie and me still love and care about one another despite the fact that we are both up to our wits end with each other!
Lately I've been busy being mad at Charlie... for a number of reasons.
Ultimately I think I have only me to blame. I am not as aggresive with him as I should have been on what needs to be done and as Ive mentioned before his lack of motivation somehow rubs off on me... but I shouldnt blame that on him. If I really pushed myself I would get up and go. . . and I've found that when I find the motivation to get myself in gear, he does too. I just wish he had that on his own.
Im not sure why I am dragging my feet in school... in a way I think that if I dont get things done then they WONT get done... not MY things... OUR things... so my stuff gets pushed to the back burner.
He talked about resentment recently and perhaps that is why I am being uncharacteristicly "mean".
I resent the fact that he has all this "free" time to get things done yet chooses not to. I resent the fact that not only do I have to go to work and school but I have to play "housewife". I am angry that he lets the government screw him over and in turn screw US over.
There has been alot of anger and angry feelings going around as well as sadness...
and for the most part I think I know where its coming from but.... but... theres just so many uncharted feeling I know are lying deep under my skin that I havent quite uncovered.
Charlie agreed to counceling.... but only If I find one that we can go to. :/ siiiigh... I have enough to do on my plate!... Just another thing to feel resentful about... and to to the therapist about. lol
These last few months have been hard... we've both experienced health issues. We have both paid visits to the emergency room.
He says my issues are within my control though, unlike his. Pfft! As if I could have forseen the major bloodloss I experienced... yes, I am and have been anemic for quite some time but I (as well as my doctor) are not completely sure why my body has been going haywire. I am on iron pills as well as BC to regulate my bodies hormones and junk but the doc said it would take a few months to see. See what? If pills fix the problem!? If theres another underlining issue!? If the cyst on my right ovary shrinks?! sigh!
Things arent all bad. It good to know that people care. That they want to help. I am very grateful for the people in my life and I may not be the best person at showing it but I can at least say Im trying... Im learning.... I just need to remember to take it one day at a time.
On a good note. I forgot how much better I feel after having a "Dance session" alone in the bathroom. It would always cheer me up after having a bout of the blues. Im glad i had one today. :D Im also noticing that Im getting some color back to my face, I no longer look super pasty.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Broken...
Not a good day.... Apparently Im as broken as I thought I was...
I dont have much time to write... again... so I'll summarize a few of my thoughts ...
I feel like all I do is sleep and work... work and sleep...
My body feels old...
I want to get up and go but I have no motivation... and it doesnt help that Charlie doesnt have any either...
I feel when ever things seem to be getting better, they are in fact worse...
I do not like when Charlie reminds me of those facts...
So I am between a limbo of feelings... or how he put it... lack there of : Unfeelings... Is that a word?
Siiigh...
I dont have much time to write... again... so I'll summarize a few of my thoughts ...
I feel like all I do is sleep and work... work and sleep...
My body feels old...
I want to get up and go but I have no motivation... and it doesnt help that Charlie doesnt have any either...
I feel when ever things seem to be getting better, they are in fact worse...
I do not like when Charlie reminds me of those facts...
So I am between a limbo of feelings... or how he put it... lack there of : Unfeelings... Is that a word?
Siiigh...
Snail Mail: New Years Resolution!!!
I have been wanting to write about this for some time but again NO TIME to write :(
To save time here's the link to my idea Snail Mail New Years Resolution! ... I hope to keep my updates on this project here.
My resolve to do this event,- forget about the insecurities and pessimistic thoughts aside - was when I started reading 365 Thank You Notes by John Kralik I told myself "see its not a dumb idea!" forget about the possibility that no one will want to participate... just DO IT!
.. and since then the world has kept telling me to continue...
To save time here's the link to my idea Snail Mail New Years Resolution! ... I hope to keep my updates on this project here.
My resolve to do this event,- forget about the insecurities and pessimistic thoughts aside - was when I started reading 365 Thank You Notes by John Kralik I told myself "see its not a dumb idea!" forget about the possibility that no one will want to participate... just DO IT!
.. and since then the world has kept telling me to continue...
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
So many things on my mind....
I haven't had time to write lately, I can't even remember the last time I did. . . where to begin? Should I talk about our recent drama with the ex? The coinsidence that doesn't seem like just a coinsidence? The things that cameout of that. . . or should i talk about the frightening eighteen hours in the hospital and all the worries that came after? ... Not all bad though, we had a get together for Charlie's birthday... and I got to see an old friend...
Monday, March 12, 2012
Settling in...
i havent had much time to write. school has started and weve been settling into our apartment. ive met one of my neighbors. shes incredibly nice and has a dog named copper. poor puppy got hit by a car too. he has a puppy wheel chair to help him get around now. marley has gottten a lil use to him, theyve met a few times now. our neighbors who live directly above us are loud. but other then that Im enjoying the place :D Its nice to go home and not worry.
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