soooo lets talk Psychotherapy. Sounds like therapy for crazies, right?? Well, Its not...but its something I had to look up, just to make sure, lol. A Psychotherapist helps people with problems... all kinds of problems. I cant remember what age I was when I first went to a therapist, I do remember that it was after high school and while i was studying at PCC. I was struggling with school and life itself. I was at a point where I had enough courage to ask for help. Asking for help has always been a struggle for me, I NEVER ask for help...
and not until this last year have I really sat down and asked why that is. Why is it that I'd rather worry and struggle with alot of things ALONE then ask someone for help... or asking for the simple request of lending an ear...I'll talk about that later.... anyways, I saw my therapist for quite a few sessions back then. She helped me figure out a few things and get a lot of pent up emotions, I had kept inside over the years, out. I was never much of a crier... at least not when anyone was looking... so I was rather surprised to have broken down and cried in front of a complete stranger, on our very first session... unfortunately I stopped going to her after a little bit. Why? Well in the last session we had together, she asked me if it was ok to record our sessions. I said it was fine... but It wasn't... I didn't even know it really wasn't until I didn't show up our next session. I started thinking why... why would she want to record our sessions? My problems aren't that important. There's other people out there with more messed up lives then me...Crazier then me... lol
...and so I decided to stop going. I was ok. . . And I was for awhile... I learned a lot. Unfortunately what I needed to learn was more about me. Which brings me to now. . .The last year and a half has been quite enlightening. Which is a good thing. Going back to school has taught me a lot about myself. I started taking Child development classes. I wanted to go back to what I loved the most. Working with kids. :) ... I was at another point in life where I was feeling the way I felt back then. ... and I had to ask myself... remind myself, because I couldn't remember... "when was the last time you were completely happy". Unfortunately I also had to remind myself what stopped me from pursuing it. I had worked with kids since I was fifteen and you can only move so far up without a college education, which I never finished. So here I was... finishing what I started so long ago at PCC.
So I started going to Citrus. Learning about the minds of children is very fascinating... and very eye opening. I started understanding myself and the people who were suppose to be closest to me. I have seen another therapist this year for quite a few reasons, the main one being my panic attacks. To tell you the truth if it wasn't for the attacks I probably wouldn't have forced myself to go see someone... unfortunately at my new school, they have a limited amount of times you can see a therapist per school year. :( Sooo I guess this is what I call my Free Therapy.
<3
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