Dinner with Old Friends

Last night I had dinner with Farmer, Autumn and Ericka. I was a little anxious about seeing Autumn and Farmer. The last time we hung out was the night I told Autumn about my new relationship with Charlie and the end of my friendship with my "friend". I'm glad Ericka could come too, just having her there made me a lot less anxious. I didn't have an attack. Yay! The last time I was with just Autumn and Farmer, I did. I got it under control though, so they didn't notice. Most people don't notice when I'm starting to have one... probably because I can calm myself down before it's a full fledged attack. It takes my every ounce of energy and focus to do it. It feels like my world stops all together. "I'm having an internal meltdown but the rest of the world keeps going." I remember thinking It's terrifying because It's like my connection to the world is severed somehow. There's nothing keeping me tethered to Earth. I'm there physically but mentally I'm somewhere else fighting to come back.

Anywhoo, sidetracked... It was a pleasant evening. We caught up a little and left it open to doing it again. Autumn mentioned a once a month thing, which reminded me of what I was thinking about after we finished eating. I was thinking just the same thing. Ericka's classmate put it in my head when she was talking about her "Date Night" with the bestie. I was thinking of having something like that with the "Old Gang". I know we've all drifted apart and we may never be as close as we once were but my hope would be for that to change. To actually get even better then before. Maybe I'll get better at being less guarded and pessimistic and actually let them in my world... and hopefully they will let me in theirs too. We'll see...

hmmm... maybe I should adjust the sails... lol... Sweet Dreams!