Insomnia... stressed???

I've been finding it very hard to go to sleep at night. It has gotten slightly better in the past few days but I still find it difficult. Even now my body is extremely tired but my mind is wide awake. Perhaps I'm stressed. Maybe that's why I've had a few "episodes" as well... and by "episodes" I mean those panic attacks I mentioned earlier. lol. Like I said lately I've been fixated on health issues. That last time after PE I was certain that was it... I was going to die. . . but then again it's ALWAYS certain in my mind. Today I had chest pains and I was thinking Am I Imagining This? Or Is It Real? It's hard for me to differentiate between whats in my mind and whats going on in real life. . . but then again I remember the councilor saying that "it" is happening. I am experiencing what I am feeling. My body IS reacting.

The first one I had was about three maybe four years ago. I have a horrible memory. It was sometime after the year of my "Big Breakup". I was with Tyler for three years, not counting the year we were just friends. I remember reading certain events in your life can "trigger" panic attacks but It was months after when I first got one, sooo why would that be it???  I mean I understand or at least can make an educated guess as to why they happened at the beginning of this year and are happening now but three years ago?!? I guess I shouldn't have just brushed off my first one.

I was driving home (from where? Who knows?? I cant remember) At least I think I was driving home. I remember heading in that direction. Anyways... I got to a stop light and I was waiting to make a left turn. When all of a sudden BAM! I get that feeling you get when you hear devastating news and your stomach drops and blood rushes through your body, mixed with complete and total panic. I remember thinking a million thoughts a minute ( It only lasted a few minutes) "im having a heart attack" "im dying!" "im going insane" " whats happening!" "Should I call 9-1-1??" ... I also remember thinking "Calm down, Take a deep breath" "If you don't get it together you're going to get in a car accident" (one of my biggest fears when I got my license-finally!!) I remember feeling paralyzed with fear. I was afraid I wouldn't turn once the light turned green. I thought I was going to cause an accident, if I didn't pull myself together. So I remember telling myself " You're Ok. You can do this. Once the light turns green, you are going to make a left turn and get out of peoples way." ... and as soon as that light turned green ( and it felt like an eternity until it did!) I was fine. I was FINE. I felt rather silly. I kept driving. I think I might of laughed at myself, and asked out loud "What the Heck was that?!?" ...

...but then I did what I normally do, and pushed it to the back of my mind ... I did not try to think about why that happened, why I felt that way... I was fine. FINE. . . Perhaps I should do what I said I was gonna do and get a regular therapist... but I don't have the money! Seeee , there goes the stress again... I should force myself to sleep. Goodnight Ya'll.