This past couple of months it has felt as though my mind has been constantly preoccupied. When Im at work Im thinking of school and home issues, when Im at school Im worrying about work and home issues.. etc. etc. I think my mind has reached its full capacity in thoughts and has spilled over into my here and now so I have been unable to be in the Here and Now.
I recently talked to my teacher about possibly taking her courses again and the difficulty I've had staying focused in her class. Needless to say when ever I open up a little about my personal problems I began to cry. I wasnt completely surprised. If i think about it lately Ive kept so much in , i was bound to explode sooner or later. (that was only one out pouring of emotion Ive had this week)
I went to see a therapist today. I know Ive been putting it off for over a year now but seeing as I've been incredible emotional lately I figured I should do something about it. Especially since I will be starting the summer program soon. I asked for a leave of absence from work to take care of all these issues, which was not my original plan but one that I felt had to be made.
What I had wanted to do was work at Target in the mornings and the summer program in the afternoons but I was told I couldnt limit my schedule that much. I thought Greeeat something else to worry about. So I went to talk to our HR rep to try to figure something out. Sigh. I started crying in the middle of our talk. I didnt tell her this but I felt as though I was being put between a rock and a hard place, either I quit so I can do this summer job (which only last 3 months) and loose my only means of support or not be able to show up to some days im scheduled to work and eventually get fired and STILL loose my only means of support.
By the end of the meeting I was told that it was up to me to decide what i wanted to do: They told me that they would work with my schedule and if I decided to ask for the leave that theyd support that too. Siiigh.... If they had just approved my availability in the first place I wouldnt have had this minor break down. . . but I guess I should be glad because I think this is my bodies way of telling me somethings wrong and I need to fix it.
Im not sure if its an emotional problem or medical problem or even a combination of both but hopefully with the help of my therapist and doctor I can figure out whats going on...
It might just take some time...
