Love Letters (Journals continued...)

 .... I remember writing him on facebook a while back. I guess one could consider it a love letter... to me it was more of a Thank You and Goodbye letter. I had felt as If my entire world was crumbling, I was loosing people I cared about left and right and I told myself basically " What the hell! You might as well just tell him how you felt about him...Towards the end you were actually foolish enough to think maaaybe, just maaaybe... sooo what else do you got to loose!!" ...besides he was the only one willing to listen...

I had deleted him from my facebook  but I wanted to tell him what I was feeling for him towards the end of our brief friendship.. one that had become my choice, to end...

...and the easiest way...

After all I was and still am the queen of avoiding conflict...after all  I never learned the skills to cope with it properly- so my book says...

and that's what It felt like... a problem, I didnt know how to fix... and thats what I desperately wanted to do: Fix It!
I had thought that saying goodbye would fix everything... or so I thought... I was tired of living a soap opera. Listening to my head, my heart, my so called friends. . .
...however, I didn't know it then but I was feeling bad for all the wrong reasons... and ending it for all the wrong reasons... I was also forgetting that I was only Human. - You're not a super human Liz. You cant fix everything... especially if you're the only one willing to try.

I feel as though I need to start from the beginning of that year...
The Journals I found the other day paint a brief picture of what I was feeling that year. It was definitely not a good year for me towards the end. Towards the end, the only good thing I gained that year was his friendship... and I had decided to let it go...

Siiigh! Its time for bed... Sweet Dreams.