Yet here I am procrastinating AGAIN.
Thinking about Charlie. How lucky I am for having someone that Loves me. Someone that looks at me like I'm the greatest thing that ever happened to him in a long, looong time. I feel the same way... I felt like that when we first started talking, without even knowing it... I would look forward to his IM's on Facebook, more and more as our Facebook friendship grew. Perhaps because he was my only tie left to the outside world. A last little piece of happiness that still cared enough to make me smile...
We talked about nothing. Random things, silly things, life... Cant remember everything we talked about, too bad Facebook didnt archive that far back. Only recently have they started archiving not only emails sent but chats as well. Cyber chatting is the new talking, the new telephone, the new getting to know someone...
I rember talking to him about this later on. Talking on facebook takes away all the insecurities one has. It allows you (or at least it did to Me) to be more expresive. To showcase my personality with out the fear of actually being in the same room with someone. Ive always had this insecurity when talking to people I hardly know. Or for any new person Im meeting. So to say the least, my first impressions have never been that great on people I first meet.
Take CF first impression of me, he said he thought I was a Bi-atch. lol Not very friendly, I think. Perhaps I'll ask him again to elaborate. Once he got to know me he said he liked me.. i think lol, Im pretty sure lol. :) Its not the first time people have told me I've been less then utterly friendly. Its not that Im not, its just that I am THAT shy when first meeting people, so some people interprete that as being cold. I am anything but cold. Sometimes I wish I was..
I remember me and Charlie talked about this in length after seeing this documentary about this guy who befriends a little girl on the www and all her close family members and friends, only to find out they were all ONE person. She talks about how they were all a part of her and that the cyber world helped her be who she really was inside, because in the real world it want so easy... and looking at her I very much doubt he would of talked to her in passing let alone fall in love with her, which is what he felt like was happening. He was falling for a girl he had never even set eyes on, just merely talked to online.
Anyways , we talked about how some of the things she was saying was exactly what I started thinking about and feeling at the moment. I was her, except instead of breaking up all of me into different characters I was just one character : ME.
I mentioned earlier that we talked about nothing and everything... but one thing that did cross my mind- but didn't really worry about it (until I had to- brings us back to my don't rock the boat mentality and non-confrontational Liz)- about what we should talk about, was that he was one of my then friends Ex's. Du du dum! Que in dramatic music for the telenovela!
It crossed my mind that perhaps I should tell her that we were chatting here n there but instead I asked him if he had mentioned it instead. (seeee non-confrontational Liz- lol - I didnt want to assume she was the jealous ex type, nor the she's the jealous friend type- "my friend!") He said he had, which was good enough for me, at the time-and later on when me and my then friend had "The Talk" I asked her if it was true, she said it was, he haaad mentioned it. . .
...another thought that crossed my mind was that perhaps I should ask her if it was ok to chat with him... but I dismissed that seeing as we were just chatting...and her knowing and not talking to me about it- in my mind- vetoed the jealous anything type... ..after all we were JUST FB friends. . . and in the FB world that hardly counts as "friend". . I never dreamed he could actually like like me...as my childhood friends and me would put it when talking about boys... So everything was peachy keen! I heard things were great between them from her and he never talked badly about their current relationship in a negative way either.. all though It never really hit me that he hardly ever talked about her, unless I brought her up or if it involved the "baby" (he's five now). "peachy keen" Pfft! Little did I know! lol
Anywhoo... Its getting late. It's definitely waaay past this gals bedtime.
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