Its hard...

I've been very patient and even tempered and kind... but sometimes I just want to scream and yell and slap a few people... ok, maybe not slap, but put them in their place. I'm trying to be an adult but its hard when people who are also suppose to be adults, don't act like one. This isn't high school, and believe it or not I never even acted like that in high school, so it's even more unbelievable! I really do think some children act more like adults then their adults. It's very frustrating!

Dreams of tomorrow...

Sooo a lot has happened... some bad, some good. I suppose I wanna write about the good first. . . Even though nothing's perfect, I am rather happy... content... delighted. I am in Love. I am in love with an amazing man who Loves me in return. Who loves me and all my craziness, all my imperfections, he loves ME. Our love is fairly new, yet it feels unlike any other. It almost didn't happen. Believe me, everyone including myself fought against it... and like him, I've never been much of a romantic- the whole "it was meant to be" thing. I am a rational, cautious girl, always have been... but with him the phrase "there's a reason why it didn't work out with anybody else" comes to mind. Cheesy, huh? lol And to think I almost gave it all up...

I've never liked drama. I've avoided drama and needless fights like the plague. . . and the story to how we became to be... lol... well its drama-filled! If it wasn't my life, I would of been rather intrigued to hear each and every new Days of Our Lives episode. . . and that's how it felt like. It felt like my life had become one of those day time TV shows, filled with drama, intrigue, scandal and betrayal! Except I couldn't call my agent and ask him for the next days script...and booooy! Did I wanna know what was next in store for Lizzie....but that's another story.

Me and my love went to Lucky Baldwin's Belgium beer festival Friday night  and had ourselves a good time. I drank "Hair of a Dog" and Scaldis both above 10% alcohol content. Eeep! lol I got the glass combo and he got the glass and T-shirt combo. Very girly glassed this year. I love it! We also went to old town because that lucky's ran out of the type of shirt he wanted, and we needed food. We ate at my favorite restaurant, Wokano's... and he asked me if I would Marry him. Just like that. I didn't take him seriously because he's mentioned marriage before  and I'm a very skeptical girl. I wont accept a proposal unless I have a ring ... and a "will you marry me" speech wont hurt either. I'm not a very materialistic girl, and he knows this, I told him I'd settle for a cracker box ring... but I gotta have that symbol. Its important to me. I think every girl has dreamed of being asked to Marry at least once... I want it to be special and above all else real. That will make it real. . . lol he also said our engagement will be 2 years, enough time to get settled... because of recent shinanigan's things are anything BUT settled. lol  Anyhow, I just wanted to write about my non-proposal day.. or should I call it my pre-proposal day.

School draws near...

School at Citrus starts this Monday...Eeep!! I really should get my internal clock back on check.

I have signed up for 13 units this semester 3 more then last semester so this will definitely be a challenge. I am rather excited! I have very few hours at work and been feeling rather antsy for school to hurry up and begin. Hopefully I can get all my books tomorrow... depends on how big my paycheck is. :-/ Books are sooo expensive. Anywhoo... time for bed...

Sweet Dreams.

Content

Woke up feeling rather content... tired but content. I lay awake in bed for a few minutes thinking about the outlook I have in life Today and whats changed over the past few years... Ive never felt this feeling of everything will be ok... and if it isn't it will still be ok...  I think it's because I no longer feel alone...

...at least not in the same sense and way I use to. In a crowded room, one can still feel utterly and completely alone... that's how I use to feel, even though you couldn't tell by looking at me.... I know alot of people still feel that way and It's hard... for some its easy and cant see why its so hard for others... but its not the same... your not inside their heads ... you don't know... if you did you would see why... anyways...
...this morning I had the thought that there's sooo much bad out there in the world and in peoples lives, but why focus on that? I thought I may have quite a few things to feel angry, sad or disappointing about but I also have those things in my life that make it worth getting up in the morning...

...and one of those special people happen to be on their way to pick me up and whisk me away to a small adventure...lol ... so I better

 Peace Out!!!

My Issues with venting!

...  I've always been a think it through, don't rush into things and explode kinda girl.. the kinda girl who's rational and considerate  and VERY aware that words can be quite powerful so before I let a heated moment get to me I (for the most part) think things through let it out and see how I feel afterwards, ALONE.... after all sometimes all we need is a good vent... Peter put it best when he wrote this:


" Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. "
Laurence J. Peter

I am a girl who has always kept her problems to herself- as I mentioned earlier- and I don't want this blog to be tainted with ALL that pent up negativity... but I know that is impossible, I am a living, breathing, emotional being and those feelings, good AND bad are a part of me... What I'm learning about myself and all ready know about myself is a subject I never really tried to analyze before and is rather scary and stressful at times but I want to learn more about me and the people around me... my writings have always helped me gain a little insight sooo here's hoping that continues. . . vent away Liz, Vent away!...

So here's to a few more great speeches!  
Happy Venting!!! <3

Free Therapy...

Hi, My name is Lizbeth... and I'm a chocoholic. Just kiddin'! lol I do enjoy the occasional treat though.

soooo lets talk Psychotherapy. Sounds like therapy for crazies, right?? Well, Its not...but its something I had to look up, just to make sure, lol.  A Psychotherapist helps people with problems... all kinds of problems. I cant remember what age I was when I first went to a therapist, I do remember that it was after high school and while i was studying at PCC. I was struggling with school and life itself. I was at a point where I had enough courage to ask for help. Asking for help has always been a struggle for me, I NEVER ask for help...

and not until this last year have I really sat down and asked why that is. Why is it that I'd rather worry and struggle with alot of things ALONE then ask someone for help... or asking for the simple request of lending an ear...I'll talk about that later.... anyways, I saw my therapist for quite a few sessions back then. She helped me figure out a few things and get a lot of pent up emotions, I had kept inside over the years, out. I was never much of a crier... at least not when anyone was looking... so I was rather surprised to have broken down and cried in front of a complete stranger, on our very first session... unfortunately I stopped going to her after a little bit. Why? Well in the last session we had together, she asked me if it was ok to record our sessions. I said it was fine... but It wasn't... I didn't even know it really wasn't until I didn't show up our next session. I started thinking why... why would she want to record our sessions? My problems aren't that important. There's other people out there with more messed up lives then me...Crazier then me... lol

...and so I decided to stop going. I was ok. . . And I was for awhile... I learned a lot. Unfortunately what I needed to learn was more about me. Which brings me to now. . .The last year and a half has been quite enlightening. Which is a good thing. Going back to school has taught me a lot about myself. I started taking Child development classes. I wanted to go back to what I loved the most. Working with kids. :) ... I was at another point in life where I was feeling the way I felt back then. ... and I had to ask myself... remind myself, because I couldn't remember... "when was the last time you were completely happy". Unfortunately I also had to remind myself what stopped me from pursuing it. I had worked with kids since I was fifteen and you can only move so far up without a college education, which I never finished. So here I was... finishing what I started so long ago at PCC.

So I started going to Citrus. Learning about the minds of children is very fascinating... and very eye opening. I started understanding myself and the people who were suppose to be closest to me. I have seen another therapist this year for quite a few reasons, the main one being my panic attacks. To tell you the truth if it wasn't for the attacks I probably wouldn't have forced myself to go see someone... unfortunately at my new school, they have a limited amount of times you can see a therapist per school year.  :( Sooo I guess this is what I call my Free Therapy.

<3

Thoughts...

I've been thinking a lot about women lately... lol. No I'm not  lesbian but I seriously considered it once. Lol. Thats another story though.

Anyways, Ive been thinking about how Ive never really been a certain kind of girl. You know how people put labels on girls in junior high and high school... the girly girl, the jock girl, the emo girl..etc. etc. So I was thinking, What kinda girl was I??? Am I???

  This is a question Im probably gonna keep thinking bout... at lunch... Im starving... lol
TTYL!  off to have some grub.

They never cease to amaze me...

The human mind in itself is intricate, complex and a wonderful mystery people are still exploring... but to me the female brain is by far the most interesting.

The way we rationalize our feelings, the way we think, the way we do the things we do and why... and when ever a woman does something that I can't begin to think is ...sane.. right... reasonable... etc. etc. I sit and think about how as a woman I might rationalize those words or actions or perhaps both... hmmm... perhaps I'll elaborate later, on why I've had this thought on my mind all day...
P.S I like to think I'm a little more rational... but then again anger can make a person do a number of things... Crazy... Sane... and everything in between.

Lizbeth

Something about me:

Something about me:
I'm a very thoughtful girl. I say girl, even though I'm waaay past being called "girl" or even "Miss" at times, because I still feel like a young girl. Ever since I can remember I've been waiting to be a grown-up... I still don't feel like one. However also, as long as I can remember people have told me I'm "very mature for my age", "an old soul", whatever that means.  To be honest I never knew all that much about myself, or at least sat down and really thought About Me... until recently that is. So I guess one can say this blogg is about little ol' me...  Me having a place to write down all my thought... instead of having 20 journals and other old blog sites I started, what seem like ages ago... And this one looks like I can actually give a go at being creative and putting a lil bit of me in... sooo follow me.. or not..... who knows maybe we'll both get something out of each others words... you never know.

Thanks,
Liz

PS. This is one of my favorite pictures! Perfect expression and timing on my friends part. :)