Unfinished thoughts...
Saturday, July 23, 2011 at 10:05am
Ive been thinking... I know crazy huh... about the people who have done things that aren't necessarily good... and Ive managed to forgive and forget... not that something doesn't change because of it...
but thinking about it and talking to a friend about it i had to ask : " am i too forgiving?'...
I didn't think i was, at least with issues and morals I'm adamant about... but thinking about it... i think with people i hardly know i think im not... i can think of a time 2 people i know basically did the same thing and in one case I made excuses for them and was willing to forgive and forget and in the other i was livid, unwilling to hear or try to understand why... the difference you ask... well one was a friend i've known for a long time the other an acquantance i was begining to get to know... perhaps i never really knew them... im beginning to think its like that with alot of people...
i think everyone's like that... I think perhaps i might be a little too forgiving with the people I've come to know and Im all to willing to make excuses for them instead of thinking perhaps they're not who i thought they were... they're not the people i want them to be...or perhaps i don't want to see it, confront it... when i hear excuses im all too willing to believe them with out question... Are we all eager to understand and forgive our friends for the things that they do or say ... or is that just me??? Or perhaps they never we're our friends to begin with...
hmmm... Perhaps to some, or most I am too forgiving but to me I had always thought why sweat something that small?... that meaningless... its stupid... it doesnt matter... i am willing to move past it... and i think, as i mentioned before its because of the good/bad ratio... is it worth a fight??? is it worth the possible hurt feelings? is it worth the anxiety?? is it worth loosing someone I care/appreciate/love/etc.etc???.... at least, Thats how it felt like and knowing what i know know and still learning a few new things on the subject, i find myself feeling rather silly and dumb founded by my inability to see it ... its like staring at a puzzle or a question, taking hours, days or perhaps years to finish or answer and when you finally do , you cant beleive how you could have missed it!!!... the answer was that simple , that clear... and you feel ridiculous for taking sooo damn long on finishing the puzzle or finding the answer to that question... ... but something I learned in one of my classes, and im paraphrasing... -one cant move beyond conflict if its never resolved-... soo the little things DO matter... its what leads to the big things...
...so dont fear conflict, dont fear talking about the little things and if it does lead to a fight or hurt feelings or whatever! well at least you can say youve dealt with it , and have the opportunity to move on... and if something so small in your eyes could never break the love, trust, respect, etc etc you have for that individual then you must beleive that they feel the same way... and wouldnt want to loose you either and value the friendship just as much... and if they dont... all though heartbreaking as it might feel at the time... you will eventually feel better... because well the word and meaning of friendship means what it means for a reason... hmmm trust that they feel the same ...hmmm... easier said then done... and seeing as the small stuff brings anxiety and fear of course the BIG stuff that happened took a toll on me, emotionally and physically... and Ive gained some insight on why.... buuuut thats a whole other story....
ok enough typing... aparently ive been typing for the past three hours... :P
Sponge Bob!
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